Highschool Blah blah Blah
by flareose
Summary: Sometimes there was something strange about grandpa. He'd give out the best advice for you in the long run, and then forget your name in the next second. Like most of his family, he was special in his own right. Mom and dad had managed to find each-other, so who's to say he won't find someone? Or more like several someones... Yaoi Harem.


**Warnings: Yaoi (slash). Alternate Universe. This is also a slight parody for Harem stories, so if you read something that seems cliche, you know why. Slight crossovers with other anime and video games :D**

**Summary: Sometimes there was something strange about grandpa. He'd give out the best advice for you in the long run, and then forget your name in the next second. Like most of his family, he was special in his own right. Mom and dad had managed to find each-other, so who's to say he won't find someone? Or more like several someones...**

* * *

_"Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be."_  
_― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina_

* * *

**Highschool Blah blah Blah**

**Chapter One: Advice from a Sage  
**

* * *

Jiraiya frowned when seeing Kushina having to pull and tug, just to get Minato down the stairs. The man was just too stubborn to leave this house now in days. Always exclaiming that his _little _boy needed him the most during these times, but in truth Minato just couldn't face the fact that Naruto, or that is little boy, was growing up.

Soon to be sixteen actually.

He continued to just stand there by the staircase as Kushina managed to yank Minato off... With a bit too much force making them almost fall down, that is if Kushina hadn't made it in time to catch her balance so they both wouldn't find themselves crashing into the ground. All he could do was shake his head at the now screaming pair.

Minato was screaming about how his little boy needed him, and that they could go on vacation another time, but not now.

Kushina was screaming that it was only going to be for two days. Two lousy little days, and that they haven't went outside in over three weeks. Not to go to the mall, not to go outside just to smell the air, not even to go to work.

You could just tell she was pissed.

Which is why Jiraiya now stepped back from the pair. Because when you suddenly saw your step-daughter's hair began to flow in nine parts like the end of a scary movie... It's best to not be in her line of sight.

He rather liked life, and didn't want to die in seven days thank you very much.

"Aw come on sweetheart," he tried to reason with her with the best of his abilities."We've seen outside. Even during those days still in the house." Minato said with somewhat of a pout on his face, and a look of sorrow in his baby blue eyes.

Kushina had a look of skepticism in her violent eyes, ready to challenge that from her own point of view. "Oh? You mean the two seconds I opened up a window because it was dark as hell in this place, and when I opened up said window you hissed like a vampire and fled into the darkness? Hissing to close the damn thing? You mean that time?"

Jiraiya's mouth went agape when hearing this. His brain momentarily shutting down as he imagined his son, doing something like that.

Once upon a time a bright little boy, with hair just as shaggy as his, with baby blue eyes, a smile that went for miles, and a laugh that went up down and all around. Hissing.

"That was a one time thing Kushina! A one time thing." she lifted an eyebrow at his declaration, soon after shaking her head at the pitiful lying he was trying to sell to her.

"Minato your eyes were glowing red."

It felt like the room had turned to ice.

Jiraiya's face might as well have been made out of it, seeing as how he was frozen in bewilderment.

"B-but-"

"When I decided to close the window, shielding the sun from entering this house, you slithered back into the bed and hissed when you got under the covers again. Hiding your whole body in there." she shook her head as she remembered the day. "I thought you were going threw some strange metamorphosis or something." with that she dragged the man to the door, all the while continuing too shake her head as her husband tried and tried again to reason with her.

"Then who's going to take care of Naru-chan? Who, huh?"

The door was now open, and Minato was now hanging onto the ledge of it like it was a lifeline.

Might as well have been.

"You're forgetting Jiraiya's here. He can look after Naruto." Kushina said just as stubbornly as her husband was being right now.

"Huh?" Minato exclaimed in confusion.

Blinking at least three times he looked over to his father, just now noticing he was there to began with.

The man in question snapped out of his frozen look and glanced towards the both of them. Minato blinked once, then twice again, before his whole emotion set did a complete one-eighty. "Oh hi father! When did you get hear?" that was all Kushina needed.

As soon as the blonde man took his hands off the ledge to wave at his father with both, for some reason... With as much excitement as someone could give with just realizing that their relative was there, she pulled with all her might, sending them tumbling to the ground.

Kushina shook her head from slight dizziness, but never the less managed to recover first. She grabbed Minato's leg, and tugged him all the way to the taxi that had been waiting nearly this whole time. She made sure to plan ahead before this whole fiasco, so their suit cases and other things they'd need were already in the trunk of the taxi. She sent a last minute smile towards Jiraiya, telling him to do a good job in taking care of Naruto.

It wasn't like this was the first time he would babysit him. Even if he believed now he was a little to old for that... Him and Naruto both. The boy was grown up after all, and changed quite a lot from when he was little. He was taller now as well, just a little shorter than Kushina now.

Naruto's hair which had once been short making it look bedridden, now reached past his lower waste and was kept in a low ponytail. Those spikes decreased by tenfold and now just looked shaggy. He also developed his own style of clothing, not in the ways of he made them or designed them, but as in he matched things together rather well, and he could tell you now, he never knew there was so many ways to wear belts in just one outfit. And anything so much as looking out of place in his outfit, or in his room, he'd get rid of. He liked matching colors, so if some color scheme didn't seem right then it didn't _seem right_.

He'd call those things an eyesore.

Not to mention he was almost sixteen, a little too old in his opinion to have a babysitter, but to ease Minato's nerves Jiraiya grinned while sending a lazy wave towards them, telling them not to worry in the slightest before closing the door.

* * *

**Space Time Nin-Jutsu:**

**Two minutes after they left**

After that whole fiasco he needed a drink.

That is, if the boy himself didn't come down from his room, just to rest on the middle step of the staircase that he was on. As Jiraiya looked at him he tried not to cringe at all the belts. _Dear Heavens. _he thought in uneasiness.

Naruto looked around confusingly at first before his eyes settled on him. "Mom and dad?" he questioned with a little hesitation.

"They left kid. Your mom had to drag your pa all the way down the stairs and out of the house." he chuckled a bit, all the while trying not to image that little sweet son of his hissing.

Naruto looked surprised for a moment before chuckling himself._ That's my parents for you. _he understood they could be quite a handful sometimes, but he loved them none the less. So he smiled fondly when thinking of the both of them, and their issues.

After a minutes he put his hands behind his head while practically shouted his enjoyment. "That's great! It's been at least three weeks since they left the house, I on the other hand haven't been." he exclaimed when walking down the rest of the stairs.

Jiraiya now dumbfounded blinked, before looking at the sly swift. If his parents were hear right now they would be horrified, or looking just as surprised as he was now, it really Depended on the person that was.

Minato would probably have a heartattack, but Kushina on the other hand would put her finger right under her chin, calling Naruto a sly fox for even thinking of doing such a thing. It would have been a hidden praise from the things she used to do as a cunning fox in her own right, but they both would have sent him to his room grounded.

That's just it though, as she called him a sly fox, he would call him a sly swift. He knew the boy could think like a fox, act like one to, but Naruto was much more of a bird to him.

Yes a bird.

A White-rumped swift actually. Just as much as he was slick, he was fast, and White-rumped swifts were said to be able to go at least one-hundred twenty four kilometers per hour. That was some serious speed there.

So would you believe him if he said the boy could run that fast? Well maybe not that fast, but if he grew a pair of wings then he might. Just as fast, with swift and grace added.

And he knew, those types of birds had short legs, it's not like Naruto had short legs because that wasn't the case, but when he jumped from high places, just like he pictured if he grew wings, he'd look like he was flying.

"And how exactly did you manage to get out of this house again? This house is quite big you know, not to mention your room is on the second floor, right?" he asked when the boy turned to look at him, something shining in the deepest part of his eyes.

He knew the boy well enough to know that the look in his eyes was delight.

Naruto had a respect for Jiraiya after something happened to him in his childhood, that he prevented. And all though he didn't think it was such a big deal, the boy believed it was. Before that time however, he would admit the boy was a bit of a spoiled brat, not really, but in a since yes. There were times when the boy would puff out his chest and say no, of course this was only when he was around, when around his parents he was always such a quite child.

He didn't need friends, not to say that he didn't play with any of the other children at school though. It's not like the parents of those children that he played with, made them stay away from him, he should know, he'd seen the boy play at the park or a little after school with quite a lot of kids, and all of those parents were nice enough.

He was just quite when he was home with his parents. Always doing what he was told, and never fighting or arguing with them, so you'd think he was such a good child, with just a few issues... At least he thought so, until his parents told him about a week long trip they had to take. His parents both having busy jobs, what with Kushina and the hospital, and Minato taking over as chief of the police.

Then in less than seven minutes after they were gone, that's when shit hit the fan.

He must have been the reincarnation of Kushina, as the Red Hot-Blooded Habanero, because he'd never seen something like that in a long time.

Indeed it was always the quite ones...

Crazy thing was it was that day that Naruto started respecting him.

Naruto smirked while brushing off the question with a lazy hand gesture. "I have my ways." he reminded the man not for the first time, and definitely not the last.

Jiraiya just shook his head. "Well whatever." it was true, the boy did.

Seeing as it was getting late Jiraiya figured now was a better time than any, to make dinner, that is if Naruto didn't stop him by holding out his hand. "Ah ah, I'll be making dinner tonight. I've been read lots of cook books, so I've got this in the bag." he raised an eyebrow at this.

Was he being serious? Both his mom and pa were terrible at cooking. What made him think he'd let him try? As if reading his mind Naruto smiled reassuringly. "Come now gramps, have I ever stirred you wrong?"

"..."

He'd rather not answer that.

So he smiled.

Because he didn't trust his voice, and it was rather difficult to say no to the boy.

Naruto's smile brightened at least tenfold. "So? Can I?" he asked with sapphire eyes gleaming to prove themselves. Jiraiya cringed a bit, realizing he'd have to talk sooner or later.

"... Go ahead. Shoot."

But he'd dodge the bullet.

* * *

When Naruto got into the kitchen he began picking things out from the drawers just above the stove. Sometimes things he needed and sometimes things he didn't. He needed rice, seaweed, umeboshi which was a salt plum, that when dried looked like a twisted peach... For some odd reason, seeing as how they looked like regular plums except covered in goo before they were dried. Their whole redness changed a complete one-eighty to a peach orange as well. Go figure.

However he heard that umeboshi were really salty and sour, so he got out some sugar to sweeten the whole deal. Actually make that too sweeten everything.

_**Nice and sweet.**_

And also he'd need curry powder to make some curry. He'd also need some meat, more spices for the curry as well, even though he couldn't remember all the spices he needed, so he got some of anything.

Feeling for anything else in the cabinets his hand came upon something cold and glassy.

He frowned. _What the hell?_

Getting said object out, he inspected it.

Ah it was just wine.

How odd though... It didn't have one of those corks in it, and instead had a cotton ball.

He glared at it. What an _eyesore._ That cotton ball didn't go well with the rest of the wine cooler color scheme at all. He took it out and without a second thought threw the cotton ball away, before returning the wine glass back in it's usual spot, or so he thought...

Right above the stove.

He really didn't give it a second thought though. So when it began tipping from not being placed at the right spot in the back, he gave it no mind.

* * *

Jiraiya was getting worried.

It was forty-five minutes. He had took it upon himself to count. Maybe he should just check and see what the kid was cooking up, by all means it smelled good... But just like that food little Minato gave him one Father's Day eve, he knew not to judge.

To this day he was still having hallucinations, and from time to time couldn't taste because his taste buds were jacked up. He still remembered the words he had spoken to that nice doctor. _He slipped me a mickey. _He had no idea what that meant, but it sounded right.

By all means he had faith in his grandson and he loved him with all his heart.

But he didn't like hallucinating.

He'd think up weird shit when doing so, like for an example. The fuck was a Sonic? Seriously, this is some of the things he hallucinated about. Tails Doll wasn't real, and last time he checked there was no such thing as Tsukuyomi, a place where you would stay for seventy-two hours. He wasn't killed by people who had ring like ripples in their eyes, and there was clearly only one Naruto.

One Naruto was enough ya know. No matter how much he cared about him. One was enough.

"Yo I'm back." the blonde announced happily, all the while holding two plates of food.

Jiraiya did his best to smile, he really did, but it just came out as a grimace. Good thing Naruto couldn't tell though. With some of his mother's looks and brash nature... Sometimes, and his father's hair color and eye color, not to mention his innocent nature. He was quite something.

Now imagine the food and how it would taste.

Naruto sat one plate down on the coffee table in front of Jiraiya, and the other in his own lap.

"..."

"..."

The riceballs were _pink._

_**The bloody** **riceballs... Were pink.**_

_**The curry?**_

_**Was blobbing and boiling... How was that possible?!**_

_**It looked burnt as well...**_

"..."

"..."

Jiraiya may not have another time to do this... Knowing this, he'd probably die by tomorrow. He would have dodged this bullet, but then Naruto would get sad, and then start crying. And he didn't like seeing his relatives cry, because when they did they were loud as hell. So reaching into the messenger bag he brought along with him, he bought a lot of things Naruto liked, so he made sure to bring them with him.

He wondered as he stared at _**Mystery food X,** _as he heard out of one of those game character's mouth Naruto always played... What was it called again?

Persona?

Shin Megami something?

Eh oh well. He wondered if this was the reincarnated version of that. He really hoped not...

"Here," he spoke in a mutter. Naruto looked up from his food and looked at what his Gramps was putting on the coffee table. Manga about romance... And a couple of handheld games. His eyes lit up like wildfire.

"G-gramps." he exclaimed, getting all teary eyed and even some snot was coming out of his noes.

_Ew... Just don't hug me. _he thought secretly, but did his best to smile none the less.

Fortunately for him Naruto ran to his room, at the speed of sound... And came rushing back with his handheld gaming thingies. He sat those on the table and began picking up the games, naming them all off.

"Angel's Feather, My Candy Love, Rune Factory, Harvest Moon, Code of Nindo Love: Curse of the Fox Spirit..."

That's when he decided to tone out the boy. And instead stared his death right in the face, well here goes nothing.

Taking a spoon full, he fully intended on devouring his enemy.

He took a bite.

* * *

Maybe it was a good thing Naruto didn't eat that stuff. Looking back at his gramps, he could tell that stuff was bad voodoo. Every once in awhile gramps would chuckle or roll, or both at the same time. He just knew that wine had gotten somewhere in the food, but he was to absorbed into his games to really take notice, or to even eat his own food at first, so he just played his games in peace, well tried to if not later own Jiraiya wouldn't have started mumbling and chuckling, rolling around and then looking serious for no reason, before doing everything again.

Naruto really enjoyed the games though, Code of Nindo Love being his favorite.

In that game he lived back in the Founding Era, and could choose to be either a boy or girl. Customize his character from the basics to the highly advance stuff as in, what type of Clan would he be born into? What was his chakra like, what ever the hell chakra was anyways.

And then he had the people he could form friendships with, the people that ultimately afterwards he could become lovers with and so on. These were the games he liked.

The Hen... He meant Harem games.

Yeah that's better.

There was a lot of leveling up to do however, and right now Tobirama was being a jerk, but he needed to gain his trust so he could save Itama and get on with the Senju part of the story. He liked Itama, he could become the Third Hokage.

"Naruto."

Naruto glanced over to him as in a sign of he was listening. It was quite difficult for him to listen to anyone when he was _in the zone._

"You like those games don't you?" Jiraiya sounded oddly serious in his drunken state, so in a form of respect, Naruto closed his game console knowing that when he flipped it back open it would still be where he left off of, and then gave the man his full attention.

"Yeah, thank you for getting these for me." he exclaimed with a smile.

"You're welcome, but I'd like to ask you another question."

"Oh." now he seemed surprised.

"Haven't you ever wanted to start friendships, before?" with the way the Naruto raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to protest, Jiraiya stopped him with a raise of his hand. "I meant long lasting friends. Best friends, or what ever you kids call it now in days."

Naruto stopped what he was going to say, as he pondered what Jiraiya was saying. "Well... Yeah I guess, but you know I'm happy with you, mom and father" he said with a cheeky smile.

The man chuckled at Naruto's good heart, but that's not necessarily all he wanted to talk about. "Well what about love? You want love to right. Maybe find a nice sweetheart to share the bad and good moments, so you would know you're not along when it comes to the harsher realities of life."

Naruto's mouth was left open agape. Wondering where did this man come from, and what he did with Jiraiya. "Y-yeah I guess that to." he stutter, still not recovering from that last bit.

Jiraiya found himself chuckling. "You shouldn't look like that, don't forget I have lived quite a long time myself."

"But you're drunk..."

"Yes I know that."

"..."

"..."

"Why tell me all of this now though? I've still got years ahead of me before I think about that kinda stuff. Video games don't count." he spoke as he noticed the man's eyes land on the console in question.

"Yes while all of that maybe true, don't forget it's always good to get a head start on things."

"Hm..." Naruto had to think about that.

"What?" Jiraiya questioned the boy that was pondering. "You have a different way with things? You don't think you could love one person? You want to be loved by many?" he asked him as Naruto's eyes jolted with astonishment.

"Th-that can be done?" he questioned the man who he was now sure of, knew everything.

"I believe so... Uh, what do you kids call it now?" okay so maybe he didn't know everything...

"A harem."

"..."

"..."

_That just sounds stupid. What is this, hair care products? _But once again he gave the boy _that smile._

"Uh you okay?"

"I feel great." No he didn't.

"I believe it can be done, but you have to hurry." he warned. "With something as big as that. If you want to accomplish it that is, then you better start now."

Naruto became stunned with this. Half because it felt like he was being put on the spot, and the other because he could have sworn he saw one of his gramp's eyes do a complete three-sixty around the whole eyeball. "Uh, you feeling okay?"

"I feel great Ruto."

"... Th-that's not my name." Jiraiya gave him a funny look.

"I think, I would know my grandson's name."

Well looks like drunk Jiraiya was back.

"Let's say I was to start a harem, by some miraculous way. How do you plan for me to start, or where to even began?"

Jiraiya simply pointing towards the door. "There's your starting line."

"B-but-" he stopped the boy once again by raising his hand.

"Kid." he began. Saying his words slowly so Naruto could relax, "you have to be more confident in your abilities. Have more vigor, more spunk. You gotta let them know who you are, and what you expect. You gotta be there for them in a time of need, you gotta be there for them when their looking for a shoulder to cry on, or just an overall best friend. Just be yourself, you'll be fine."

Naruto pondered this. What if... He didn't want that life. He had a fine life here. And looking at his grandpa, was he even the best one to be giving advice during this time?

"Hm... I'll have to ponder this."

"I can't feel my tongue."

Naruto paid no mind to gramps anymore. So taking his games and manga he headed to his room. Going to ponder and think, and think some more and then think some more.

He stopped on the middle step and looked at Jiraiya. "You really think I could actually do this?" he asked with a hint doubt in his voice.

Jiraiya looked at him, well he looked at a vase that was near the couch, but that's not the point. "Of course I think so Ruto-ut Otagakure."

Naruto blinked once, then twice before shaking his head with a fond smile on his lips. "Alright, see ya gamps."

"I can't feel my tongue."

* * *

It's been about... Three hours now. He heard something opening and closing. "I tell him it's the front door, and he goes threw his window... That sly swift, I swear." Jiraiya couldn't suppress a shiver as he felt like he was forgetting something he was suppose to do.

Why did he hear hissing in his head?

* * *

**Alright, that's a rap :D**

**Now please tell me what you think, this is my first time making a Harem fic like that, so I was wondering if I was doing it right :)**


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